It’s wonderful coming here and connecting with other believers that share the same love for Christ as I do, but for some reason today is different.
Today my heart goes out to those that are lost and it reminds me why I share my testimony with others in the first place. I’ve been where they are. Actually I’ve been places that would surprise some.
My heart has changed so much that I often don’t recognize myself. My desires are different, my thoughts and intentions have been raised up, yet I know that I will never forget the darkness of my past. I believe wholeheartedly that it’s how God wants me to be.
My testimony in its entirety is too extensive to share here, but I remember when…
I fell asleep in the worst pain I had ever felt. The day prior I had told my mother and some close friends that I thought I was dying. I was tired, physically and emotionally. My health was declining and doctors couldn’t tell me what was happening. It went from one extreme to the next. I was convinced that the disease that took my father was now coming for me. Never knowing that one night I would close my eyes and would meet a man that would change it all.
My dreams, even as a child have always been vivid. Strange to say the least. I recall telling my mother about a dream of a red dress, and hearing a conversation she was having with an aunt of mine, repeating the conversation word for word. She froze and explained that it was impossible for me to know about it, since I had been an infant. Though I was present, I had been laying in a crib as they held the red dress above me. It had been a gift from my aunt and they were discussing how beautiful it would look on me. They were so happy and even now I can still remember the excitement in their voices.
No dream I ever had prepared me for this one…
Sitting on the floor in a dark room, a man stood over me. His voice was soothing and trusting. I tilted my head all the way back to see his face and couldn’t see a thing. He told me to not be afraid and to be really still. Touching the top of my head, I could hear the echoing of his voice… “Be still…” He released a dark orb looking thing from the top of my head. I stood up and frantically moved around this tiny room asking what it was. He never answered. Taking me by the hand, he led me out of the room, as I watched the blackish brown circular object bounce back and forth across the walls. Then it disappeared. I asked him what it was and he never answered. He never said another word. When I woke up, I could hear his voice ringing in my ears… “BE STILL.”
As I replayed the dream over and over in my head, I realized that this was the first morning in a long time that I had awaken without crying. My pain was gone.
My fiance (at the time) checked for the polyps that had recently grown all over my scalp and said “What have you done?”
All of the lumps were gone. No scars, nothing. Just like that, all of the weeks of pain and confusion had disappeared. I explained the dream and we both sat together, jaws dropped in amazement.
Soon after, I ended that relationship as God instructed. Because I had to.
My thoughts have never been the same since. Neither has my heart.
I neglected to state that months prior I had told God to make Himself known in my life, to show me the truth. My exact words were, “Show me you are who they say you are!!!”
I guess, you should be careful what you ask for.
Days following my dream something whispered to me,
“You have to read my words”.
My response to that was something like,
“Huh? Is someone talking to me???”
I remembered my previous thoughts and statements about the bible, “I’m not really into reading the bible”, “you know how I feel about man made materials, claiming to be truth”, “I’d rather be spiritual than religious anyway.”
Walking across the room, I searched for an old bible my mother gave me. It belonged to my deceased grandmother’s church.
I dusted it off and opened it.
Highlighted, were the words:
I read on,
“… and know that I am God.”
Talk about peeing your pants! I was in total shock. I thought this kind of thing only happened in movies. Or that maybe people mistakenly created these things in their own minds or just simply lied.
I can barely remember what happened after that, except that I’ve been chasing Him ever since. Finally, I knew the whole truth.
If you allow God to make Himself known to you He will. Sometime He will allow things to happen just to show you His truth. Just to show you that He loves you and that He’s faithful. I don’t recommend going about it in the exact same way that I did (what was I thinking!), but I do suggest that you give yourself the opportunity to have your very own unique experience. People can preach it to you all day but it’s nothing like knowing God for yourself.
Invite Him in. What do you have to lose. You’ve tried everything else.
Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!
“But like a hero in a dream, Christ came and He rescued me.”
For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry.
2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.